nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
