I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
