If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
