the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Success! We fucked roommates!
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