Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
