Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
