Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
