My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
