Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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