I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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