update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
