I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
