I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
did i walk over a car last night?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
