Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
