Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
