I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
