His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize