he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
