real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
