Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
