I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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