ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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