I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
40s are totally the cure
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
