I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
