I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she peed on how many people?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
