i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
