the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
