Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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