Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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