I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
