I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
