Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
