dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
