Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
there is puke in my bra ... again
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
