Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
