i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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