Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
