FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sorry about my life...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
