Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
