; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
