You surviving the open bar?
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It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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