i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
