My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
