ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize