Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
