I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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