Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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