she woke up with a sticky ear
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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