his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
