If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
