I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
