the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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