He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
