I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
