Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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