hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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