I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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