walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
