Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
