i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
