There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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