i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
