Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize