I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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