Your face is a jimmy john
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
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His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
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If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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