I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
