I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
