I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he fucked my hip out of place.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
