you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
