So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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