Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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