he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
