so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
