all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
