You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
