I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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