Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
